When Behavior is a Need Waiting to be Met

Some behaviors aren't problems to fix.

They're stories waiting to be understood.

Gryffin is my regular dog client who had suddenly become terrified of going to the groomer.

The moment he realized where he was going, his anxiety would take over. He would shake in the car, become inconsolable, and sometimes get so upset that he would make himself sick before he ever walked through the door.

Reports back from the vet said he was displaying aggressive behavior and was hard to work with.

His mom knew something wasn't right.

When we connected, I asked him about grooming.

He confirmed exactly what his mom had been feeling all along.

His previous experiences had frightened him.

He told me they had been too rough. Between the rushing, impatience, and loud, stressful environment, the whole experience had become traumatic for him.

He already knew about the other groomer his mom was considering switching to, and he agreed that the current place was a poor fit. He wanted to try the new place - but he was scared.

Even though he knew he was going somewhere new, he worried it would be the same experience.

He was terrified of going through that again.

Even though the circumstances had changed, his nervous system hadn't caught up yet.

That happens to all of us sometimes.

Our bodies remember long after the danger has passed.

So instead of trying to convince Gryffin there was nothing to worry about, we chose a different approach.

We helped his body discover that this experience could feel different.

The first time, I energetically accompanied Gryffin during his grooming appointment.

By complete coincidence, I happened to be sitting in my own hair appointment while he was at his.

We joked that we were getting our hair done together!

He still felt nervous, but he made it through without the aggressive behavior.

He did still get sick that day.

But something had changed.

The groomers met him with patience instead of pressure. They gave him the time he needed. They were gentle and kindly took things at his pace.

And on the ride home...

Gryffin felt proud of himself.

For the next appointment, we began supporting him the night before so he knew what to expect the following morning.

I tuned back in on his way to the groomers to energetically boost him and help him release some of the stress he was carrying.

He was still a little nervous, but he was more confident.

And then, by the third appointment...

No shaking in the car.

No upset stomach.

No overwhelming fear.

He walked into the groomer as the sweet, quiet, well-mannered boy his family had always known.

Today, his mom tells me he does beautifully.

The groomers adore him and often comment on what a pleasure he is to work with.

I think about Gryffin often because he reminds me of something I see in animals every single week.

Behavior is communication.

Sometimes what looks like stubbornness...

is fear.

Sometimes what looks like misbehavior...

is a nervous system asking for help.

And sometimes healing begins with something as simple - and as profound - as someone finally believing your experience.

Thank you, Gryffin.

You reminded us that trust isn't built by forcing ourselves through fear.

It's built one safe experience at a time.

With love,

Annaliese