Making Room For Each Other

Some behaviors aren't problems to fix.

Sometimes they're attempts to solve a problem we can't see yet.

When Betsy began peeing on the couch, her mom knew something wasn't right.

As with any sudden behavioral change, the first step was making sure there wasn't a medical reason. While her mom connected with the vet, I connected with Betsy and Chet to find out what else might be going on.

The answer flooded me:

"Turf war."

Wow, I thought. This is going to be a doozy.

But as I sat with what they were showing me, the situation became much clearer.

There wasn't some dramatic feud unfolding behind closed doors.

There were simply two very different cats trying to share the same home.

Chet is playful.

Like wild wrestler vibes playful.

He loves interaction, stimulation, and apparently believes that an available cat is a cat who might like to be pounced on.

Betsy couldn't be further on the other side of the spectrum.

She values peace. Quiet. Personal space.

Happily plays - when she's in the right mood.

Does not love WWE cosplay without warning.

When I asked her what she needed, she explained that she didn't mind Chet being himself.

She just needed somewhere she knew she wouldn't be chased, bothered, or invited to play.

A place where she could simply be in retreat mode the way she loved.

So we collaborated on a solution and drew a line across the apartment.

The living room could remain Chet's play zone.

The bedroom would become Betsy's peaceful retreat.

She even pointed out a favorite little "nest" she wanted Chet to leave completely alone.

Chet lovingly agreed.

But he had a request of his own.

If Betsy wasn't interested or available to play...

he needed better toys that would be there to volunteer as tribute.

Fair enough.

He showed me tiny toys he could bat around by himself and a sturdy stuffed toy he could wrestle, kick, and bite when he needed somewhere to put all that Chet energy.

His mom couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him playing with anything tiny and didn't think he'd be interested.

The very next day, before she'd even had a chance to buy anything new, Chet somehow uncovered a stash of tiny toys that had disappeared underneath the furniture.

He happily entertained himself with his rediscovered treasures.

A couple of weeks later, I checked back in.

Their mom had been away for a week, with a pet sitter caring for the cats.

The house had stayed peaceful and pee-free.

She had also purchased the larger toy Chet had described.

And, to her delight, he used it exactly the way he'd shown me during our session.

I loved how wonderfully ordinary their solution turned out to be.

Betsy got a retreat where she could have all the peace and quiet she wanted.

Chet got better outlets for the enormous amount of enthusiasm apparently contained inside one cat.

Their differences could stay exactly as they were. Their environment simply needed to make room for both.

And once we understood what each of them was asking for, the solution was surprisingly - and satisfyingly - simple.

With love,

Annaliese